


letting go, holding on

by stuffy_j



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst with a Happy Ending, Break Up, Breathplay, Established Relationship, Frottage, Getting Back Together, Intercrural Sex, M/M, No talon, Non-Linear Narrative
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-25
Updated: 2018-12-25
Packaged: 2019-09-24 23:06:06
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,244
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17109866
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stuffy_j/pseuds/stuffy_j
Summary: Jack was… retiring?And he hadn’t told Gabriel?





	letting go, holding on

**Author's Note:**

  * For [foldingcranes](https://archiveofourown.org/users/foldingcranes/gifts).



> HERE IT IS, KASI!!! I hope you enjoy it! I had such a fun, challenging time coming up with and writing this story, it really pushed me in ways I wasn't expecting but that I'm incredibly grateful for. I hope it makes you happy, dear Kasi. You deserve it, especially for putting together this entire secret santa exchange!! YOU'RE THE BEST!!!!
> 
> The prompt: "I'd love to read an AU fic where OW doesn't fall and Talon doesn't exist, but Jack and Gabe still separated/divorced at some point and when Jack decides to retire, Gabe starts considering the idea of getting back together with him."

What Gabriel didn’t understand was why he heard about it from the _news_ first. 

Sure, it was possible that there was an interdepartmental memo sitting in his inbox about it from the week before, but that didn’t mean he’d _read it_ yet; he was a busy man! And also Jack’s office sent out about 230 interdepartmental memos a week, so. If he’d overlooked it, no one could really blame him.

But the _news_? That was how he had to find out? A random talking head on a screen, her voice impersonal and matter-of-fact, like she was just stating a fact, not throwing Gabriel’s day into a complete tailspin at 6 in the morning?

“--confirmed that the Strike Commander of Overwatch, Jack Morrison, is stepping down from his position at the end of the year. There are reports that a replacement committee has been formed within the UN to identify qualified candidates, though sources close to the Strike Commander’s office say that the position will most likely be filled internally. We will keep viewers updated as more information becomes available, thank you,” the reporter said, giving the camera a slight head tilt to indicate the end of her report. Her glossy black hair reflected the studio lights on Gabriel’s office screen before the view switched to the morning weather report. Gabriel stared blankly at a balding man gesticulating emphatically at various temperatures for a few moments before he turned the television off and sat down behind his desk.

Jack was… retiring? 

And he hadn’t told Gabriel?

***

“Do you ever think about after?” Jack asked, turned on his side in the bed, one hand propping his head up so he could look at Gabriel next to him. 

“Hm?” Gabriel asked, looking up from the report he was reading on his pad and glancing down at Jack. “After what?”

Jack turned, restless, and looked up at the ceiling of their bedroom. “I don’t know. Just… after. After Overwatch, I guess. What we’ll do. I’d like the chance to actually live in the world we helped to save, you know?”

Gabriel considered Jack’s words, setting the pad down on his lap. “What would we do?” he finally asked, looking at his husband, taking in the way the lamplight lined Jack’s nose, the ever-deepening lines at the corners of his eyes. 

Jack huffed out something that might have been a laugh, Gabriel couldn’t tell. “I don’t know. Anything we wanted to, I guess. Isn’t that the point?” He looked back up at Gabriel, his eyes the deep blueblack of the ocean’s depths. “I can’t remember the last time either of us saw our families, Gabe. We could go be with them. Or we could travel, maybe see the world as more than just battleground after battleground. Maybe we’ll be sick of traveling, and just settle down somewhere and become two curmudgeonly old bastards with an old dog that farts too much in its sleep. _Anything_ , Gabe.”

“That last one was awfully specific, Jack.”

“Maybe the dog takes after a certain special black ops commander who -- hey!”

Gabriel set down the pillow he’d just smacked Jack with and chuckled, but quickly sobered as Jack’s words sank in. So much of their lives, of them, were centered around Overwatch. What Jack was saying made sense, but --

But.

Gabriel had spent the majority of his life knowing he was someday going to die on the field, or in the shadows. That had been the implicit understanding behind the SEP, when he had been willing to trade the possibility of his own peace away for the strength to save others. That was his promise -- that he was willing, at any time, to make the hard decisions -- that had led to him accepting the position of commander of Blackwatch. Sometime in the past thirty years of his life, Gabriel had stopped thinking about the _maybes_ of a murky future. 

“I don’t know if I _can_ retire someday,” he admitted, throat tight around the words. Jack just kept looking at him, and Gabriel had to look away for fear of suddenly being consumed by those ocean-black depths. “I don’t know if that’s what I want.”

“What do you want, Gabe?” Jack asked. Gabriel shrugged, tapping the pad in his lap to wake it back up.

“Don’t know. Guess I haven’t really thought about it.”

He heard Jack shift next to him, and then the pad was being taken out of his hands and set aside. 

“Are you ever going to think about it?” Jack’s voice was soft. Like he already knew the answer, and that drove Gabriel crazy. 

“Maybe I haven’t thought about it because there’s still work to do,” he snapped, snatching up the pad again and bringing up the report. “We made a promise, Jack. I’m not taking it back just because we’re getting older.”

He felt Jack stiffen beside him. “I’m not _taking back a promise_ , Gabe, what the fuck,” Jack hissed, and Gabriel’s stomach dropped at the same time as his jaw tightened.

“No?” he asked, finally looking at Jack once again, eyes hard. “So you’re just thinking about running away? Didn’t think you were the kind of man who backed down from a fight.”

He could see the flash of hurt in Jack’s eyes before they steeled. “I’m not running away from anything,” he said, and pushed back the covers so he could swing his feet to the floor. “But someday, neither of us will be around, and Overwatch is going to keep going without us. The world will keep on turning. And that’s something that both of us need to learn how to deal with.” He got up from the bed, grabbed a pillow, and started walking out of the room. “Good night, Gabe.”

“Where are you going?” Gabriel asked.

“The couch.” The door shut behind him, and Gabriel was left alone.

Jack didn’t run away from anything, but he ran away from Gabriel. 

The pad pinged in his hands, and Gabriel looked down as another report came in. He got back to work.

***

The omnic crisis ended on December 22, 2046, and Gabriel bought a bottle of champagne to celebrate.

“Really?” Jack said with a grin when Gabriel found him on the roof of the hotel they were staying in, looking out over Geneva. The conditions of the omnics’ surrender were going to be negotiated tomorrow. “You’re going with champagne? I’d probably have chosen something a little stronger. Like whiskey.”

Gabriel rolled his eyes and popped the cork, taking a swig directly from the bottle. “You want some or not, rookie?” he asked, offering the bottle to Jack, who took it. “Besides, champagne is appropriate. We’re celebrating.”

Jack copied Gabriel, tilting his head back to take a long drink. He grimaced as he pulled the bottle away. “You couldn’t at least have gotten a _good_ bottle of champagne? This tastes like it cost three dollars at the corner store.”

“That’s because it did,” Gabriel said, taking the bottle back and drinking again. The bubbles fizzed over his tongue, leaving a strange residue. Jack was right, though; the taste left much to be desired. “I’m not made of money, Morrison. You can buy the celebration drinks next time.”

“Deal,” Jack said automatically, stealing the bottle out of Gabriel’s hands, flashing a shit-eating grin his way as he did. “I’ll get whiskey. You know. To _actually_ celebrate.”

“What will we be celebrating?” Gabriel asked, looking out across the ravaged profile of the city. It was hard to believe there was anything left to celebrate; whole neighborhoods had been reduced to little more than smoking piles of rubble, roads nothing but rubble, unpassable; communities destroyed. 

And then a firework shot into the air, the sharp whizz of its flight preceding the sudden colorful explosion above them, and both Jack and Gabriel jumped at the unexpected sound. Then another firework, and another one, another one, a steady stream of sound and color spreading across the night sky, being shot off from everywhere that hadn’t been decimated. Every place that had survived.

Jack looked at Gabriel, a smile as bright as the fireworks filling his face, red, blue, green light highlighting the weary smudges under his eyes. “This,” he said simply, then whooped loudly, running across the rooftop, arms outstretched, half-empty bottle of champagne clenched in one hand.

Gabriel watched him, watched the flickering lights of the fireworks, how the smoke faded away in the darkness and let the light shine in its place. And then he yelled as well, a triumphant cry that cracked in his throat, and he ran after Jack, ignoring the sudden blurriness of his vision, the way his heart was trying to beat its way out of his chest. He focused on the green-yellow-blue-gold smudge that was Jack in front of him, caught him in a crushing embrace that Jack returned, the two of them laughing and sobbing and holding each other, holding each other up.

“I want this forever,” Gabriel whispered, and Jack nodded and nodded and kissed Gabriel’s wet cheek.

“Me too.”

***

There was blood underneath his fingernails. Gabriel frowned at his hands as the transport touched down, a little rougher than usual thanks to some of the landing gear being shot off when they’d made their escape. He was jostled in his seat, heard a low groan come from the back of the plane where Jenni had been hooked up to the transport’s medical equipment. Gabriel thought the blood under his fingernails might have been hers, from when he’d picked her up and ran. Could also be Williams’ blood. There’d been a lot of that pooled on the ground underneath Jenni. 

He hadn’t been able to pick up Williams. There hadn’t been any point. Not even Angela was good enough to heal a severed spinal cord and dozens of bullet wounds several hours after the fact.

The blood under his nails had dried to a dark red color, and some of it was starting to flake off, but Gabriel still tried to rub off as much as he could. He knew it was late, but he wasn’t sure if Jack would be up, waiting for them. For him. Jack didn’t like it when Gabriel came home covered in blood. He’d need to wash up before he got into bed. And before he did that, he’d need to plan and submit a new mission request, updating their parameters accordingly with the new intel they’d gathered. 

“Commander Reyes?” Moira’s voice broke through the fog of thoughts, and Gabriel glanced up. “We’ve landed, Commander,” she said, sounding nearly bored. “I advise that you accompany me and Agent Ngai to the medical wing, I still need to take a look at that wound on your back.”

Right. At her words, the cut across his back began to throb with newly-awakened heat, and he stood with a pained sigh.

“I’ll come in later,” he said, walking towards the exit of the transport. “I need to go update our files and submit a new mission plan. Be ready to go in twenty-four hours or less.”

“Yes, sir.” Moira rolled her eyes and turned towards Jenni. Gabriel stepped out of transport and onto the tarmac of the base, the cold early-morning air slicing into his lungs. The sun was just beginning to rise over the line of mountains in the distance, bleeding the color out of the winter sky, everything seeming to turn the same shade of washed-out gray as the sky. A flash of bright blue caught his eye across the tarmac.

Shit. Jack was here.

Gabriel fought to not limp on his way over, but even with how washed out the gray morning light made everything he could still see the paleness of Jack’s face, the bruise of exhaustion under his eyes. It nearly stopped Gabriel in his tracks. For the first time _ever_ , Gabriel thought, Jack looked _old_.

“Report, Commander,” Jack said, his voice quiet but commanding, and Gabriel watched as Jack took in the bloodstains covering him, the tension that still coiled in his shoulders. He wanted to sigh. Hiding things from Jack was nearly impossible.

“Agent Ngai is being taken to medical as we speak, she sustained severe injuries as we were retreating to the transport. Agent Williams was killed in action. Other agents sustained minor injuries and have been ordered to report to medical as soon as possible, but they aren’t critical. Our transport was damaged, but not inoperable.” He paused, rolled his neck slightly, felt his spine crack. “I’ll be submitting a formal mission report along with an updated request. Due to the sensitivity of the original mission and the updated one, I need clearance to leave as soon as possible, within the next twenty-four hours.” He nodded at Jack and began walking into the hangar. Gabriel wanted a shower, and then he would submit his reports. Maybe some food and sleep, too, if he had time.

Jack’s eyes widened, and he jogged after Gabriel. “You can’t be serious, Gabe!” he hissed, keeping his voice low as they passed the early shift techs who were scurrying around. “You can’t go back out immediately, we need to sit down and talk about this. Plan out another strategy. Besides that, I can _tell_ you’re hurt and you’re trying to hide it from me. You gave orders to your other agents to report to medical, so why aren’t you following your own lead?”

“Because this is important, Jack,” Gabriel said, not really caring who heard him. He had things that needed to get done, and he could deal with Jack’s questions later --

“And so is the health of the Commander!” Jack said, slipping in front of Gabriel and physically stopping him from moving forward. Gabriel narrowed his eyes at Jack, who refused to budge. “You aren’t thinking clearly right now, Gabe. You need to rest. Sleep. Eat a little. Get patched up, and then re-evaluate this mission when you aren’t exhausted and running on fumes.”

“I’m fine,” Gabriel spit, and tried to move past Jack. Jack moved with him, walking backwards down the hallway, and some part of Gabriel’s mind knew they looked ridiculous right now, but both of them refused to stop. “Goddammit, Jack, get out of my way! I’ve got _things_ to do--”

He was cut off as Jack forcibly shoved him into a janitor’s closet and shut the door behind them. Gabriel’s back pressed against the shelving filled with cleaning products uncomfortably, his chest pressed to Jack’s as they squeezed into the tight space together. A single bulb on a wire hung above them, casting dim light over Jack’s face, highlighting every crag and line, every tiny scar that was normally covered with makeup for the cameras. 

“I saw the mission logs already,” Jack said, and Gabriel winced, closing his eyes tightly. Shit. He hadn’t gotten the chance to mess with them yet. “You lost Williams. And I nearly lost _you_.”

“You didn’t.” Gabriel forced himself to look at Jack again. The shadows on Jack’s face hid his expression. Gabriel couldn’t read him.

“No, I didn’t. Not this time. But now you want to go back there, immediately, without taking any time to rest, to talk with me? Gabe, please, you’re injured, and rushing in again is only going to make things worse, especially when Ngai will be in medical for at least the next month! McCree and Shimada are still on that mission in Nepal, and I don’t want you to run in guns blazing without any back up. I don’t want ‘not this time’ to turn into ‘this time!’”

Gabriel ground his teeth. “I have time-sensitive information that is important to this mission,” he said, “and it is too vital for you to ignore it, even if you’re emotionally compromised.” He watched with a strange sort of vicious satisfaction as Jack took a step back at those words, like Gabriel had just punched him. “That is why I need to go back. Now, Jack. I’m not a desk commander. I actually need to be there if we want this mission to have any success at all.”

Something shuttered across Jack’s face, and Gabriel had a split second to regret his words before Jack spoke again. “Fine,” he ground out, putting as much distance between them as he could in the small closet. “You’re cleared, Commander. Whenever you’re ready. Take whoever you need to be successful.” He opened the door and stepped out, holding it open for Gabriel to exit as well. 

Gabriel could still feel the blood under his fingernails, dry and itching. He gave Jack a half-assed salute. “I’ll get you a full mission report when I’m back,” he said, then walked down the corridor, towards their room. Fuck, he needed a shower. Bringing up his comm unit, he called for Moira and four other agents to be ready and waiting in the hangar in six hours to leave.

And maybe it was a trick of his tired, racing mind, but he thought he heard Jack whisper something as he walked away. _Just come back._

***

They had to be quiet when they were like this, tangled up in one another on one of their narrow beds, legs slotted together as hands moved greedily over soft and scarred skin. They couldn’t really see each other, not with how dark it was, but they didn’t have to, they knew each other so well at this point, relearning each other every time the landscape of their bodies changed. 

Gabriel loved having Jack in his arms in these moments, flushed and sweating, trying to keep the noises in by biting his lower lip until it was puffy and red and tender. Gabriel wasn’t much better off himself, but he muffled his own noises in the column of Jack’s throat, leaving sucking kisses as they moved together. He gripped Jack’s cock in his fist, his strokes slow but tight, knowing he was pushing Jack just to the edge of what he wanted. What he _needed_. His own cock pushed slowly between Jack’s tightly clasped thighs, the way eased by a generous amount of lube.

“Gabe, please,” Jack gasped out, turning his head to the mattress so his words would be muffled, and Gabriel grinned against his neck, kept his hand moving at the exact same pace. He wanted Jack out of his mind, wanted him thinking about nothing but Gabriel, wanted them both to forget everything about today except for what was happening here and now. They’d been doing this for what felt like hours, and Gabriel didn’t want to give it up.

“What is it?” he whispered back, but thrust his hips hard, the head of his cock bumping up into Jack’s balls, and Jack hissed, one of his hands clawing at Gabriel’s ass behind him, trying to make Gabriel do that again. Gabriel backed off, and the look of venom Jack gave him was worth every second of holding himself back. 

“You know what -- _hhnn_!”

Gabriel chuckled softly, pressing a kiss to the corner of Jack’s mouth as he loosened his grip slightly. Jack panted against the bed, thighs trembling around Gabriel, eyes closed as he fought to control himself.

But Gabriel didn’t want that. He wanted Jack undone, wanted them both falling apart. Wanted them together. 

Sliding back for a moment, Gabriel gently rolled Jack onto his back, heart swelling as Jack blinked up at him, a haze of pleasure clouding his eyes. 

“Gabe?” Jack asked, voice slightly slurred.

“Like this, sweetheart,” Gabriel replied, settling himself between Jack’s legs, rutting them together. Jack threw back his head, long neck stretched out, and Gabriel couldn’t stop himself, had to lean in to kiss Jack, swallowing up both of their moans. Jack’s lips were hot and soft against his, and Gabriel kissed like a man starving, like Jack was his only source of air in the world. 

Jack brought his arms around Gabriel’s back, hands clutching, petting, scratching angry lines down Gabriel’s skin, trying to hold on as they moved together. His mouth was wet and open against Gabriel’s, soft moans filling what little space there was between them. 

Gabriel could feel himself sweating even in the overchilled air of the SEP’s rooms, and Jack was a furnace beneath him, surrounding him, Jack’s legs coming up over his hips and locking behind him, like Jack wasn’t going to allow Gabriel to pull back at all, needed him close at all times. Jack was murmuring lowly, Gabriel could see his lips moving minutely, but the roar in Gabriel’s ears prevented him from hearing it, all he could do was kiss Jack again and again. 

And then Jack bit his lip, hard, and Gabriel pulled back with a gasp and suddenly he could hear Jack, could understand what he was saying, just a mumbled string of “Please, please, Gabe, god, please, _fuck_ \--” over and over again as their hips rutted together. Jack’s cock was so fucking hard underneath his hips, the tip leaking, and Gabriel felt his own cock grow harder, their lengths pressing together and sending a jolt of pleasure up his spine every time they thrust against one another. 

Gabriel, with what felt like a ridiculous amount of effort, pushed himself up over Jack and reached between them, taking both their cocks in his grip and squeezing, a wave of delight washing over him at the sensation. Beneath him, Jack shuddered and nearly cried out, but caught himself at the last moment by slapping a hand over his own mouth. 

“Fuck, Jack,” Gabriel breathed, his heart feeling like it was going to beat out of his chest, stroking them hard and fast, pleasure coiling in the pit of his stomach, “You look so good like this, wanna get you like this again and again, wanna really hear you, I want this, want you, _please_!”

Jack was biting the hand over his mouth to prevent any loud noises, but Gabriel could hear the echoes of choked off moans and pleas as they moved against each other frantically, small noises meant only for his ears, and Gabriel loved it. Loved Jack. They’d trained at each others’ sides, kept each other going through the trials and pain of the program, kept each other sane as their bodies had changed and grown. They’d patched each other up, held each others’ hands during the darkest hours. Gabriel couldn’t see a future without Jack, not at this point. Every time he thought about it, imagined it, Jack’s blue eyes were right there beside him. Jack’s hand in his.

“I love you, Jack,” Gabriel said, pressing the words like a benediction into the skin of Jack’s throat, and he felt Jack seize up beneath him, his cock swelling in Gabriel’s grip before coming between them, hot and wet, a moan tearing itself out of his throat. Gabriel shuddered and closed his eyes, emptying himself out onto Jack’s skin as well, waves of pleasure rolling over him as he bit down on Jack’s neck, muffling the shout that built in his throat. 

Opening his eyes, Gabriel gave one final squeeze, hearing them both hiss in pleasure that bordered on pain, before he withdrew his hand and tried to prop himself up over Jack again.

Jack was looking up at him with wide, wet eyes, a small smile trembling on his lips. His hair was a mess, his neck and collarbone a bruising map of bites and hickies which Gabriel absolutely felt sorry about, definitely wasn’t proud of himself for leaving those, not at all.

He looked like the most beautiful vision Gabriel had ever seen.

“I mean it,” Gabriel said, the words pouring from him like a waterfall. He couldn’t stop. He _refused_ to stop. “I love you so much, Jack. There’s no one I’d rather have by my side, for everything.” 

“I want that, too.” Jack pulled Gabriel down for a long, slow, deep kiss, the kind that made Gabriel feel as though Jack was searching for his soul, wherever it was inside him. Finally, Jack pulled back, his kiss-bitten lips red and smiling. “I love you, Gabe. Let’s build the world together.”

Gabriel smiled back, and it felt like everything he’d ever wanted and never known he could have. 

***

“Jack, it’s not working.”

Gabriel watched as Jack looked up at him from the report on his padd, a small frown creasing his brow over his reading glasses. He was sitting on top of their bed, shoes off while he worked.

“What’s not working?” he asked, but his tone was distant, like his mind was on a million other issues. “Do you have that full report for me yet?”

Gabriel gritted his teeth. “No, I don’t. Don’t change the subject. I’m talking about us. _We’re_ not working, Jack. We haven’t been for a while.”

That got Jack’s attention. He put down the report, took his glasses off so he could look at Gabriel, but his eyes were blank. No, not blank. Shuttered. Like even now, he wasn’t fully listening to Gabriel, his mind a million other places. “What are you talking about, Gabe?”

Gabriel gestured between them. “ _This_ is what I’m talking about, Jack!” The back of his neck felt hot. “Where I say something and you respond, but you’re not actually _here_. Not actually thinking about what you’re saying. It’s just… automatic. Rote. Or it’s nothing but criticism. And I’m tired of it. It’s endangering everything we’ve worked for.” Anger rose up in him like a coiling snake, but he forced it down and away. Yelling wasn’t going to solve anything. It never had, not between them. They’d argued for hours, and then Jack would run away, then come back and argue some more, then Gabriel would leave. They took jabs at each other; what had once been good-natured teasing had devolved into something nastier. Something darker. And Gabriel didn’t want to be like that anymore.

Jack looked down at his lap, his head nodding unconsciously to what Gabriel was saying. “Right,” he said, and he sounded tired, but Gabriel couldn’t find it within himself to care. They were all tired these days. “I’m sorry. I’ll try harder.”

“No.” Gabriel surprised himself with the word. But it felt -- not _right_ , but necessary. “It’s not -- Jack, it’s not a matter of _trying harder_. Your heart’s not in it anymore, I can tell.” He shook his head, looked at Jack sitting on the bed. A million miles away, just across the bedroom. “We want different things now. I’m not looking for excuses.”

“What are you looking for?” Jack seemed… pale. Or maybe it was just the lighting in the room.

“I think we should go our separate ways. We’re not the same people we used to be, Jack. Our priorities have changed. Diverged. And that’s not a bad thing.” Gabriel paused, took a breath. He couldn’t tell what Jack was thinking, his expression was perfectly blank. It was unnerving, that they were so out of sync that Gabriel couldn’t read Jack’s thoughts on his face anymore. When had that changed, he wondered? “But it’s not working for us anymore, and I don’t want it to negatively impact our work. It’s already starting to, and if we keep letting it, we’re going to rot Overwatch from the inside out.”

Jack seemed so still, like a statue, like that goddamn marble monstrosity outside the base had been transplanted into their bedroom, and Gabriel wondered where _Jack_ had gone. When he finally moved, it was mechanical, like his nerves were misfiring in his head and Jack was trying desperately hard to control himself. He got up from the bed, still holding the padd in his hands. 

“Do I get a say in this at all?” Jack asked, voice empty.

Gabriel frowned. “Of course you do. Do you have something to say?”

_That_ made Jack pause, made his eyes shift around the room, as though he was searching for something but came up wanting. He didn’t speak.

The room was deathly quiet, and Gabriel shifted uncomfortably. “Jack?”

Jack’s eyes snapped back to his, and Gabriel thought he saw something there, something like _devastation_ before those blank walls slammed down again. “Is this really what you want?” he asked, the words sounding like cracking ice in his throat.

“Yes,” Gabriel said.

Jack nodded, and walked over to Gabriel, standing only a few inches away. Gabriel realized suddenly just how far apart they’d been throughout this whole conversation, now that Jack’s warm bulk was so close. He smelled faintly of Gabriel’s aftershave and sweat, a scent that Gabriel had come to think of as just _Jack_. They breathed each other’s air for a moment, Gabriel staring into the eyes of someone who had somehow become a stranger when he hadn’t been looking.

And then Jack snapped a salute and walked out of the room. Gabriel didn’t ask him where he was going.

The next morning, there was a packet of divorce papers sitting on Gabriel’s desk. He signed them and sent them over to Jack’s secretary to finish taking care of it.

***

_This isn’t working,_ Gabriel thought as he stared across the conference table at Jack. No, he wasn’t Jack right now. He was Strike Commander Morrison, with the flashy blue coat and body armor to prove it. And Gabriel --

Gabriel was tired of it. Tired of coming home and Jack not being there, tired of coming back from a long mission and not being sure if he was going to get Jack-the-husband or Strike Commander Morrison to greet him. Not being sure if he _wanted_ Jack-the-husband to greet him.

Tired of watching Jack sleep at night across the expanse of their bed, so far away and suffocatingly close all at once.

“Commander Reyes?”

Gabriel snapped out of his thoughts as he realized Jack was calling his name. He refocused and saw Jack raising an eyebrow at him. It wasn’t a good look for him. In the past, when Jack had a smug expression on his face, Gabriel had thought he was ridiculously attractive. Now it was just… annoying. Gabriel could hardly stand it.

“Yes?” he answered, voice cool, crossing his arms and leaning back in the large, leatherbound conference chair. 

Jack’s expression was decidedly unimpressed. “Your report, Commander, please.”

Right. The report. The only-slightly-doctored report. Gabriel nodded and pulled it up to begin reading off of it.

“Two months ago, Blackwatch received word of an attempted break in at the university in Oasis. While initial reports stated that nothing was stolen and the break in was not successful, the involved parties remained at large. After conversations with the Ministers of Genetics and Geology, we determined that the best course of action would be to place several agents in strategic positions around the city in an effort to dig up more information and provide an extra layer of security. Last week, two Blackwatch agents were able to detain someone we believe to be connected with the attempted break in, and who may be able to give us information on further attempts. They are currently being held for questioning and prosecution at Watchpoint: Gibraltar.” He finished reading and looked up at Jack, who continued to look unimpressed.

“Great. Now, the full report, please, Commander Reyes,” Jack said, and Gabriel managed to rein in his wince as Ana’s head whipped around to stare at him.

“That is the full report, Strike Commander Morrison.”

Jack shook his head and picked up his own padd, glancing down at it only once or twice as he spoke. “Then why did your report not include anything about the detainee’s use of hard light technology during the initial break in attempt? You also failed to mention the professional ties between the Minister of Genetics and Dr. Zeigler, and the importance of maintaining that goodwill relationship. Nor did you include anything about the fact that Agent Hiralda is _dead_ , Commander Reyes, and that he died in the process of apprehending the detainee. Which follows a pattern of the last _two years_ of your missions, Gabriel, a pattern that can no longer be obscured by misleading and intentionally vague reports!”

The room was completely silent as Jack’s final words faded from the air, and Gabriel felt flushed, fists clenched at his sides to keep from shaking in front of everyone. God, they were all _watching_ him, and Jack had done this, Jack had thrust him into the spotlight and left him to fry all on his own, Jack _wanted_ Gabriel to fry--

Jack’s face was stern, but his eyes were pleading with Gabriel from across the table. And Gabriel couldn’t take it anymore. He stood up from the table and walked out of the room.

“Meeting adjourned,” he heard Jack say behind him, but he wasn’t really listening, his mind going three hundred miles a second as he moved down the hallway. Then there were footsteps behind him, and a hand on his shoulder, and Gabriel whirled around with a frustrated growl and pushed Jack into an empty office, slamming the door behind them.

“Fuck off,” he said, voice strained, but Jack shook his head and blocked the door.

“No, Gabriel. We need to talk. Now.”

“Shut the fuck up, Morrison. You’ve talked enough for today.”

“You need to listen to me!” Jack exploded, throwing his hands up in the air and clutching at his graying hair. “Everything I said in there? It’s _true_ , and it was only going to be a little bit longer before people started noticing. Before they started questioning why so many agents were going missing. I can only call things a training accident so many times before the UN would send someone around to inspect us and find out what was really happening!”

Gabriel curled his hands into fists, trying to focus on the way his nails bit into his palms to keep his voice controlled. “Why didn’t you talk to me about this before now, Jack?” he asked. “You threw me to the fucking wolves in there! Do I get _nothing_ from you anymore? No forewarning? No chance to fix things?”

“You’re my _husband_ , Gabe!” Jack exclaimed. “People already talk about how much favoritism I show you, how lenient I am with you! Blackwatch has the second largest budget in Overwatch, right after the R&D department, but you’re the smallest division. And I approve that budget every year because I _know_ the importance of the work that you’re doing, Gabriel, and I know you need that funding! But I don’t know how to keep justifying it to the UN, to the world, when you insist on giving falsified reports!” He paused for breath, and for a terrifying moment, Gabriel thought he was about to cry, but no tears came. “I know that we both want what’s best for Overwatch, for the future,” Jack said, looking away from Gabriel, “but this can’t keep happening.”

Gabriel knew there was truth to what Jack was saying. He just didn’t want to hear it. “If you really wanted what’s best for Overwatch, you would have talked to me about this way before now,” he snarled. “But you’ve been so _disconnected_ from everything that you didn’t care! Probably didn’t even notice until, what, a few days ago? Who brought it to your attention? Not that it matters,” he said, waving a hand dismissively as Jack opened his mouth, “I’ll find out eventually. Unless I’m subpoenaed and dishonorably discharged, which is looking like a real possibility right now.”

“Gabe, that’s not fair--”

“No, you know what’s not fair? That I’m busting my _ass_ to keep Blackwatch running, to keep everyone safe, and you’re questioning my methods. When was the last major terrorist attack? The last assassination? I have been trying my goddamn hardest so that you can run around and open up an ecopoint here, attend a conference there, speak at a fucking college graduation, _whatever_ , and all I get in return is public humiliation!”

Jack looked sick as Gabriel finished speaking, sick and infinitely tired, but Gabriel didn’t give a single shit in that moment. A sort of savage joy twisted through his chest at the pained expression on Jack’s face, so different from the indifferent marble mask he wore most of the time, the picture-perfect hero’s face he put on for the press. _Maybe_ , Gabriel thought, _maybe I’m actually getting through to him for once._

And then the mask came back, and Gabriel felt his own rage surge within him as he saw himself being shut out from Jack. _This isn’t working_ , he thought desperately.

“Your concerns have been noted, Commander,” Jack said. “We’ll set up a time to have further discussion about this. Please have your full report to me by tomorrow.” He turned on his heel and opened the door to the office, letting it slam shut behind him. 

_We can’t keep doing this_ , Gabriel realized. They were going to poison Overwatch, bring everything they’d ever built together crashing down around their ears. Something had to give.

Gabriel knew what that _something_ was. He rubbed his thumb over the well-worn wedding band on his left hand and carefully slipped it off.

***

By the time Gabriel was finally able to go see Jack, it was nearly three in the afternoon and the media circus was in full swing. Phones and communicators had been going off non-stop since the morning, and Gabriel had a bear of a headache brewing. But he needed to speak to Jack. Needed to have a conversation with him.

He knocked on the door to Jack’s office and waited to be let in. Two minutes passed without any indication that Jack had heard him. Frowning, Gabriel glanced down at his padd to confirm that, yes, Jack was supposed to have just gotten off the phone with the Director of Research and Development at Helix International, and he had a fifteen minute window before Jack’s next meeting with the press corp. He knocked again. Still nothing.

Glancing at the lock pad next to the door, Gabriel keyed in the override he used to have to Jack’s office. “Override accepted,” Athena said, and the door slid open. Gabriel resolutely did not think about what it meant that Jack had not gotten rid of Gabriel’s override access to his office. It had been nearly three years since they’d separated. There wasn’t anything to think about.

Jack had his calendar and a half-written document open on his desk, the message light on his phone blinking incessantly, his email inbox filled with unread email after unread email, but his eyes were closed, face scrunched tight as though he was in pain. He didn’t see Gabriel come in. Didn’t hear him, either.

“Jack?” Gabriel asked, and Jack startled, nearly knocking over the half-drunk mug of coffee sitting precariously on the edge of his desk. 

He looked up at Gabriel, eyes wide, before his expression smoothed out into nothingness. His default expression when he talked to Gabriel these days.

“Commander Reyes. How can I help you?”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Gabriel asked, displeasure rising within him at how plaintive he sounded. “I had to find out from the _news_ this morning.”

Jack sighed and looked away, ineffectively shuffling some papers on his desk. There were bags under his eyes that made it look like he hadn’t slept well in weeks. “You were told,” he said. “An interdepartmental memo was sent out yesterday about it. I announced it to the press this morning to head off any leaks or rumors.”

“That’s not what I meant and you know it.”

“It was my choice, Commander. I didn’t realize I had to ask your permission to make decisions regarding my career path,” Jack snapped, and Gabriel took a step back at the sudden vehemence in his voice. But just as quickly as it rose, Jack’s anger drained away with a slump of his shoulders. “It’s a decision I haven’t made lightly, Commander Reyes. I’ve been thinking about this for a long time, and I feel like now is the best moment for me to step away. Overwatch has become more than I ever could have dreamed, and I know I’ll be leaving it in better, more competent hands than my own.”

Before Gabriel could protest, Jack cut him off with a wave of his hand. “Don’t worry, you’re on the short list for consideration. I’ve submitted both you and Ana as my personal choices for assuming the role of Strike Commander. Of course, if you’re not comfortable with that, I will ensure that you remain Commander of Blackwatch instead when the leadership shuffle happens. You’re an important part of Overwatch. I want to make sure you’re wherever you can do the most good.” He stood up, the movement abrupt but stiff, and collected the papers he’d been shuffling into a pile. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, Commander, I have a press conference I need to attend.”

“Jack--” Gabriel started, reaching a hand out to… what, touch Jack? Stop him? Make him turn and face Gabriel and actually _look_ at him? Gabriel wasn’t sure. 

It didn’t matter. Jack avoided Gabriel’s half-outstretched hand easily, his Overwatch-blue coat a shield between them. He gave Gabriel a small salute as he walked out the door. “There’ll be a command briefing in a few days to discuss things more in-depth,” he said. And then he was gone, walking down the corridor to the press conference room.

Gabriel watched his retreating back, a now familiar sight. And for the first time in years, he had the impulse to run after him. To follow him. They had built Overwatch together; Gabriel could never have imagined that they wouldn’t leave it together, too.

***

As he hit save on his report, Gabriel promised himself a large glass of Jack’s good whiskey tonight. The Oasis mission had been a bit of a nightmare, if he was being honest with himself. Most of his missions these days were nightmares, but not all of them ended in death. Losing Hiralda… that one stung. And the fact that they wouldn’t be getting the full, official ceremony they deserved stung even more. 

He wasn’t looking forward to giving the highly-sanitized version of events at the command meeting a few days, but at least he’d had time to appropriately censor the mission report. What Jack didn’t know couldn’t hurt him, and wouldn’t bring the UN in on their asses to prevent Gabriel from getting his work done.

With a groan, Gabriel set the padd down on the table as he stood up and made his way into the kitchen and over to the liquor cabinet, opening it up to reveal a three-quarters full bottle of some limited-run fancy-ass whiskey someone had given Jack. Gabriel knew it was good because it wasn’t all gone yet. Jack was “savoring” it, or something. He pulled it out and poured himself a healthy glass, letting the taste of the alcohol smooth across his tongue as he took a sip.

The door opened in the other room, and Gabriel heard Jack walk in and put his stuff down, puttering around for a few minutes. Gabriel ignored him. Kept sipping, focusing on the peaty taste of the whiskey. He stared at the wall, unseeing. Sip, sip. 

Footsteps behind him. “Starting without me?” Jack said, and Gabriel turned to face him. Jack had already taken off his Strike Commander overcoat and body armor, his gloves and boots discarded as well. In only his black compression shirt and standard issue pants, Jack looked… like himself. For a brief, silent moment, Gabriel felt like they were both twenty years younger, unchanged by time. Known by each other. And then it went away, and Jack was alien to him again. 

“Guess you’ll just have to catch up,” Gabriel said instead of any of the other dozen words that were sticking in his throat. 

“Pour me a glass?” Jack asked. “I’m going to go wash up. Something exploded on me in the R&D facilities and I haven’t been able to get the stink off me all day.” He walked past Gabriel towards the bathroom, and Gabriel had the strange sensation that Jack’s walk was wrong, that he was off somehow, but he couldn’t tell. Couldn’t say anything. The shower turned on, and Gabriel poured Jack a glass of whiskey, poured himself a refill.

Jack was in and out of the shower in seven minutes, a leftover habit from too many years as a soldier. His hair was still wet when he came back out in a pair of sweatpants and a faded t-shirt, though Gabriel could tell he’d run a towel through it. 

“Is this my good stuff?” Jack asked, taking a sip of the glass Gabriel handed him.

“Yeah.”

“Hm.”

They drank in silence for a few moments, standing next to one another in the kitchen. Gabriel couldn’t help but look at Jack from the corner of his eye, taking in the way Jack was so… dressed down. It had been a while, Gabriel realized, since they’d seen each other in anything less than what they wore to work. Whether he was out on missions, or Jack was at yet another meeting or conference halfway around the world, they hadn’t had a quiet moment together like this in a long time.

“Hey,” Gabriel said, putting his empty glass down on the counter, “Come here.”

Jack looked at him strangely, but drained his glass and stepped forward, closer to Gabriel. “I am here,” he said. Gabriel could see a few freckles dotting the bridge of Jack’s nose, though they were faded. “What’s up?” Jacked asked.

“Is it so wrong if I want to be close to my husband?” Gabriel mock-complained, closing the remaining distance between them and wrapping his arms around Jack. There was a warmth spreading throughout his body, a blurriness that made Gabriel just how much he’d drank. He didn’t think it had been enough to get him tipsy, but at the moment he didn’t really care.

Jack laughed and wrapped his own arms around Gabriel, the two of them standing there in the kitchen, twined together. “I’ve missed you,” he breathed out, voice barely above a whisper, and Gabriel nodded.

“Me, too.”

Jack seemed to hesitate for a moment before he leaned in to kiss Gabriel, just the briefest of pauses, but Gabriel still noticed. But with Jack’s lips on his for the first time in what felt like _years_ , he didn’t really care at that moment. Jack’s mouth tasted like whiskey, and Gabriel deepened the kiss, searching out any remaining whiskey. Their mouths moved together slowly, languid, like they were relearning each other. But Jack’s breath still caught when Gabriel bit lightly on his lower lip, and Gabriel still shivered when Jack scratched his nails carefully over his scalp. Gabriel had the distinct sensation that this kiss with Jack was like returning to an old family home after many years away, and knowing the layout but nothing else. 

“Let’s move this to the bedroom,” Jack murmured. Gabriel nodded and kissed him again, slipping his hands up underneath the thin fabric of Jack’s ratty shirt. Jack’s waist was trim as ever, but his skin was a map of scars that only Gabriel knew, and his fingers traced over one of them now, a long, thin raised line of tissue where Jack’s hip had been sliced open by razor wire. He let Jack guide them backwards towards the bedroom, focusing instead on comparing his memories of Jack to what he could feel right now. Not much had changed, which made sense. Jack wasn’t really permitted to go out on missions these days, as more of the bureaucratic aspects of his position took precedence. 

Their kiss broke as Jack suddenly shoved Gabriel back down onto their bed, a gasp tearing out of his throat as he bounced off the mattress. Jack smirked above him. “Sorry, didn’t mean to startle you. I wanted to make sure you were paying attention.”

“Asshole,” Gabriel said with a laugh, reaching up for Jack, who fell into Gabriel’s outstretched arms. This was… this was easy. This was good, Gabriel thought, kissing Jack some more and rolling them over on the bed. A flush was already starting to creep its way up Jack’s neck. How had he forgotten to miss this?

Shirts came off in a tangle, thrown to the side in favor of more skin. Gabriel was teetering somewhere on the edge of slow and desperate, and it made his kisses a little too sharp, a little too deep for the languid pace Jack was taking. Heat pooled in Gabriel’s stomach, and he rocked his hips against Jack’s, pressing their hardening lengths together through their pants, and it was so good, a memory made tangible once more. 

Gabriel groaned, biting on Jack’s lower lip as they ground against each other, and Jack moaned in response, one of his legs hooking around Gabriel’s hips, keeping them together. His hands worked their way to Gabriel’s pants, flicking open the button and pulling the zipper down with ease, a practiced motion that made Gabriel’s heart ache strangely in his chest for some reason. Jack pushed his own sweatpants down around his thighs and brought their cocks together in his hand, squeezing lightly at the sensation of skin on skin finally. 

“I want you,” Jack breathed, and Gabriel paused from where he was kissing across Jack’s collarbone and chest.

“Yeah?” he said. “How?” He pressed a kiss to one of Jack’s nipples, flicked his tongue across the bud before biting it just to hear the hiss leave Jack’s mouth.

“On -- ah, fuck -- on your back. I wanna ride you.” The way Jack said it almost made it sound like a question, like he wasn’t sure if Gabriel would be okay with it, and Gabriel’s heart stuttered in his chest again. _Of course I want that_ , he nearly said, the words crowding his throat.

“Let me see you, then,” he said instead, stripping his pants and boxers off and laying on his back again. He watched as Jack slipped off his own sweatpants and tossed them off the bed before climbing on top of Gabriel and sitting astride his hips. Jack’s cock was hard against Gabriel’s stomach, warm and thick, and he rutted against Gabriel’s abs for just a moment before Gabriel gripped his hips to stop him. He slipped one hand behind, rubbing soft circles at the base of Jack’s spine for a few moments, then dipped his fingers between Jack’s cheeks to rub lightly at his hole. 

A bottle of lube dropped next to his head, and Gabriel snorted. “Eager?”

A flush spread across Jack’s face and down his neck, creeping onto his chest, and he didn’t answer, just rocked himself back against Gabriel’s length in retaliation. Gabriel sucked in a breath, but picked up the lube and squeezed a generous amount onto his fingers. 

“It’s been a little while, I’ll go slow,” he said, rubbing the tip of one wet finger against Jack’s entrance, waiting for him to relax enough to push inside.

Jack flushed even deeper. “You, ah, don’t have to go that slow,” he muttered, and Gabriel’s eyebrows rose. 

“Really?” His finger slipped in much easier than he’d been expecting, and a small smile slipped across his face. Jack was hot and tight around the finger, but not _so_ tight. “Been engaging in some extracurricular activities, Jack?”

Jack leaned down to kiss him instead of answering, rocking his hips a little on Gabriel’s finger, pushing it deeper inside. Gabriel took the answer for what it was and pushed another finger inside, stretching Jack out faster, pressing against his sensitive walls. Jack groaned into the kiss, biting on Gabriel’s lip as his fingers bumped over his prostate.

“I’m ready,” Jack said a few minutes and two more fingers later, his breath coming faster and faster. Gabriel rubbed against his prostate one more time just to feel Jack tighten up around him, and then slipped his fingers out, coating his cock in more lube. 

“Show me, then,” he said, hands going to Jack’s hips again. Not guiding; just to hold. 

Jack stared down at him, eyes filled with a haze of pleasure but clear purpose shining through, and Gabriel hissed in a breath as Jack sank slowly onto him, taking Gabriel’s cock in one slow, inexorable slide. “That’s it,” Gabriel breathed out, eyes closing as that tight heat enveloped him. “Fuck, so good.”

After a moment to adjust, Jack set a brutal pace, his thighs working hard as he all but bounced on Gabriel’s cock, fucking himself down over and over. It was excruciating, and so good, and Gabriel watched greedily as Jack worked himself into a frenzy on top of his hips. 

Jack braced himself on Gabriel’s chest, his cock hard and heavy between them, bouncing with each lift of his hips and thrust down. That tight heat was almost too much for Gabriel to bear, and he threw his head back as Jack rode him into the mattress. Sweat was pouring from both of them, the room feeling superheated between them, and Gabriel could only grip Jack’s hips so tightly he knew he’d leave bruises. 

And then Jack did something with his hips, twisted them in such a way that made Gabriel’s brain short out, white noise filling his ears, and the next thing he knew he had flipped them and was pounding Jack into the mattress beneath him, his hips fucking in and in and in, Jack’s legs over his shoulders, like if he stopped then Jack was going to melt away. Jack’s eyes were bright, wide with shock, but then Gabriel snapped his hips _in_ and they shut on a moan. Jack’s mouth was red and wet, his lower lip bitten and puffy, his hair a mess of blonde-gray spikes on the bed. He looked beautiful. Gabriel couldn’t remember the last time he’d looked at Jack like this.

Jack’s eyes opened again, staring up at him, suddenly cutting right to Gabriel core. There was something in his gaze, a sense that if Gabriel looked away, he’d disappear, and Jack was begging him not to go, not to look away. 

Gabriel couldn’t. But Jack was slipping from him anyway, somehow, and Gabriel wasn’t sure what to do. How to keep them together.

He brought his hand up, curled his fingers around Jack’s throat loosely, waited for Jack’s nod. Watched as Jack’s eyes closed as he tightened his grip, squeezing his neck and forcing his air out. Maybe, if he held on tight enough, he could hold Jack to him. Maybe they wouldn’t slip through each other’s fingers. Maybe it would be enough to stop Gabriel from letting Jack’s hand fall from his own and turning away.

Gabriel felt Jack’s chest heave beneath him, watched him flush darker and darker red as his body fought for the air it wasn’t getting. Jack opened his eyes again, and they were glassy, his body tightening around Gabriel’s cock as he tried to breathe but couldn’t. Gabriel tightened his grip more, and Jack shuddered around him, eyes glazing over.

And then Gabriel released him, and Jack came with a gasp, air filling his lungs as his cock spent between them, coating both of their stomachs. Gabriel kept fucking into him, a groan tearing from his throat at how tightly Jack’s body gripped him, spilling himself into that heat just as suddenly, the orgasm slamming through him like a tidal wave, reducing him to nothing but sensation.

Awareness came back in waves. First, the sensation of Jack’s chest moving beneath him as Jack panted for the air he’d been denied. The wet heat of his cock still buried deep inside Jack. The sound of Jack’s breaths. Jack’s skin, still flushed red and warm as Gabriel lay on top of him. 

(The memory -- or was it just his imagination? -- of Jack gasping out a hoarse “I love you” as Gabriel had released his throat.)

Gabriel pulled out with a groan and flopped on his back. He stared up at the ceiling, listening to the sound of his and Jack’s breath, out of sync. Gabriel closed his eyes. Neither of them moved to hold the other.

***

The message from Ana was unexpected but, Gabriel reflected later, unsurprising. _We should talk_ , was all she said, and Gabriel agreed.

There were two cups of tea sitting on the table when Gabriel walked into Ana’s office, a bowl of sugar sitting between them. “Ah, Gabriel,” Ana said, rising from her computer to greet him. “Thank you for meeting with me, I know we’re both very busy at the moment. But it has been too long since we had one of our chats.” She gestured at the tea with a wry smile. “I hope you don’t mind.”

“No, it smells great,” Gabriel said, sitting down and dumping several spoonfuls of sugar into his cup. “I agree; this conversation is long overdue.”

Ana sighed and nodded, picking up her own tea but just holding it. “Most of my conversations these days are overdue.” She looked down into the steam still rising from the cup’s surface. “I’ve been so busy that I push many things aside, to some unknown time I keep calling ‘later.’ Sometimes, I fear that I’ve left things too late.” 

Gabriel took a sip of his tea, the sweetness of the liquid coating his mouth. Ana’s tone struck him as odd. “You’re not talking about anything work-related,” he guessed, and Ana shook her head.

“No, definitely not. It’s been nearly three months since I last spoke to Faree, even longer since I talked to her father. Faree and I--” Ana’s face twisted, like the words tasted wrong in her mouth, “-- aren’t seeing eye to eye about many things at the moment. Which I suppose is to be expected, she’s a teenager who wants nothing more than to follow in my footsteps.”

Unbidden, Gabriel felt his eyebrows raise. “And you don’t want her to?” he asked.

“My family has been torn and shaped by war for so many years now. Is it so much to ask that my daughter have the opportunity to do something completely separate from fighting? That she get to actually live in the world I fought for her to survive in?”

“I suppose not,” Gabriel said, unsure of how else to respond. They sat in silence for a few moments, contemplating their tea, before Ana sighed.

“I suppose it won’t really be up to me, in the long run,” she said, looking up at Gabriel, who said nothing. “Anyway, let’s talk about why we’re here, shall we? Did you know that Jack had been thinking about retirement?”

“No.”

“Really? He’s never mentioned it to you at all? It’s such a huge decision for him, after all.”

Gabriel grit his teeth, but forced himself to answer. “Ana, you know that Jack and I have been divorced for three years now. Whatever decisions he makes are his alone. Even when we were together, the only way he talked about retirement was as some nebulous possibility that didn’t really exist for either of us.”

“So you’re not retiring, is what you’re saying.”

“I have no immediate plans to, that’s correct.”

Ana gave a small hum, setting her teacup down on the table with a light clink. “But you might. In the future.”

“I don’t know. The future isn’t now. I’m pretty focused on the now. And who’s going to take over Jack’s position.”

“Do you want to be Strike Commander, Gabriel?”

The question caught him by surprise, and he let it show on his face. Ana wouldn’t judge him for it. “I -- I don’t know. Not really. I guess I haven’t thought about it much.” He looked at her closely. “Do you? I know Jack said he was submitting both of our names.”

Ana tapped her fingers against her cup, considering the question. “I have dedicated nearly my entire adult life to Overwatch,” she said finally. “Becoming Strike Commander has never been an ambition of mine, but it is also the next logical step in my career, as I am second in command of Overwatch. However, it is so rare that what is logical is also what the heart wants. And what my heart wants…”

She trailed off, looking to the side, staring at nothing. In her dark, tired eyes, Gabriel could see emotions swirling, though he could not decipher them. There were lines at the corners of her eyes that mimicked the ones next to Jack’s, next to his own. More gray than brown streaked through her hair. She was still a formidable sniper, but sometimes Gabriel had seen her wearing reading glasses. Moments of vulnerability that she allowed him to see, but not many others. 

“My heart wants to love my family,” she finally admitted, looking back at Gabriel. “My heart wants peace. I do not think I want to become Strike Commander of Overwatch. That would not be peaceful. What Jack is doing… I understand it. He is stepping down to make way for the new guard, to let new ideas breathe life into this old machine. I think I may follow him, in a few years.” She took a sip of her tea.

Gabriel’s eyes widened at her words. “You’re also thinking of retiring? Why? There’s still so much work to be done, so many things we need to do!”

“But is it the work that _needs_ to be done?” Ana countered. She got up and went over to the electric kettle she kept in the corner of her office, pouring herself another cup of tea. “Like I said, Gabriel, we are the old guard. We brought the world out of war, and we have kept it out of war for so long. But I have lived my whole life fighting, and I would like to share in the peace we have helped to build.” She sat back down and looked him squarely in the eyes, her whole intense gaze focused on him, and Gabriel fought against the urge to squirm. “I have given Overwatch everything I have, and it has given me so much back. My friendships with you and Jack, Reinhardt and Torbjorn, Lena and Angela and everyone else. Working with some of the most brilliant minds of our time. It has given me a roof over my head, food in my belly, a place to come back to when I have been injured and in pain.

“But it has also taken so much from me, Gabriel. My relationship with Fareeha’s father was gone before it ever really got off the ground because of my duties towards Overwatch. I have missed so much of Faree’s life, so much of her growing up and becoming who she is, because Overwatch needed me. I’m not saying I regret giving so much to Overwatch, or that I would have done things differently had I known. But I want to see what could happen if I focus on those closest to me for once, without Overwatch demanding so much.”

Gabriel sat back in silence, considering Ana’s words. She gave him a soft smile from across the table, leaning forward to put one of her hands over his own. “I know, I said a mouthful just now,” she said, her eyes crinkling at the corners as she gazed at him. “But I hope you understand where I’m coming from, with all of this. We’ve both been on autopilot for so long, just responding to emergency after emergency here at Overwatch, that it’s pushed everything else out.” She laughed quietly. “Jack leaving is… a bit unexpected, and is going to create a lot of work for a while. But I think it was just what I needed to break out of this cycle I’ve been spinning in for so long.”

“I don’t know who I am without Overwatch, without Blackwatch,” Gabriel admitted, looking away from her, shame burning hotly within his stomach. When had he lost himself so completely? 

“You deserve the chance to find out, Gabriel,” Ana said, patting his hand. “Think about it, won’t you? It doesn’t have to be right away.” She drew her hand back and nodded at him. “But right now, we both have things we need to do. And I need to tell Jack to not submit my name for consideration as Strike Commander.”

Gabriel finished the last of his now-lukewarm tea with a slight grimace and stood up, recognizing the dismissal for what it was. “Right,” he said, a strange feeling of loss sweeping over him. “Thanks for the tea, Ana.”

“Of course. Let’s not wait so long to chat again, yes? You’re a smart man, Gabriel. I’ve missed our conversations.”

He smiled at her, the truth in her voice washing over him like warm water. “Me too. I’ll see you at the Friday debriefing.” 

As he left her office, the warm glow of Ana’s smile faded from his mind, replaced by a troubled frown. 

What had he given up for Overwatch? And why was he only just realizing this now?

***

Gabriel was pretty certain that the cut on his head was still bleeding profusely, and he hadn’t had time to take a shower to wash the crusted blood off his face. Well, not really a shower. It was going to have to be more like a sponge bath, if he had any time later. And there hadn’t been time for nearly two days now. At least the cold kept the smell at a minimum, though it made the bath water absolutely unbearable. Couldn’t the omnics have attacked some place warm? Like… the Bahamas? Not Siberia in the middle of winter?

Whatever. He was losing the plot. 

Glancing down at the ring in his hand, Gabriel reconsidered if now was the best time to do this. Maybe he _should_ wait until after he’d had a chance to bathe before he approached Jack. Oh god, what if he started smelling like rotten fish at the _exact moment_ he asked? What if his head wound scarred weirdly and made Jack think he was ugly? What if he was actually majorly concussed right now and only thought that asking Jack to marry him was a good idea because of that? What if--

“How you feeling, Gabe?”

Gabriel jumped in his blankets (but did _not_ yelp, thank god) as Jack entered the recovery tent behind him, and he watched in horror as the ring flew out of his hand and fell to the ground. Right in front of Jack.

“Uh,” Gabriel said. Jack bent down and picked up the golden band as time seemed to slow to a thick jelly that Gabriel couldn’t move through.

“Gabe? What’s this?”

Gabriel looked up with wide eyes as Jack held the ring out to him, his blue eyes filled with confusion and… hope? Gabriel couldn’t quite tell what was swirling around inside Jack’s head, if it was good or bad. There was a bandage around his own head, face streaked with dirt and blood, his left arm in a temporary cast, and Gabriel thought he looked _amazing_.

And at that thought, Gabriel knew he was making the right decision. He just hoped Jack felt the same way. And if he didn’t, well… They had time. Maybe.

“It’s a ring,” he said, and stopped. Shit, there were other things he wanted to say, other things he _needed_ to say, so that Jack understood why he was asking here and now, but every word in every language he knew flew out of his head at that exact moment, and he was left staring up at Jack as he looked curiously at the ring.

“I can see that,” Jack said, his mouth twisting with a teasing grin. “Is it yours? I’ve never seen you wear a ring before.”

“No, it’s--” Gabriel broke off with a groan, putting his head in his hands. This was going all wrong, he looked like a complete idiot, Jack was never going to say yes if he couldn’t even string a sentence together. He heard some rustling and could only assume that Jack had left the tent, sparing Gabriel any more embarrassment and humiliation. 

“Hey.”

Gabriel looked up, then down, as he realized Jack had gotten down on one knee next to his cot. “Jack, what--”

Jack smiled up at him, and even through the dirt and blood, he shone, eyes focused on Gabriel, and Gabriel _knew_ , in that moment, that they’d follow each other anywhere, for as long as they could. 

“I don’t know how you got a hold of a ring all the way out here in this frozen hell, but my answer is always going to be yes,” Jack said, holding out the ring. “And I know that technically this ring is for me, but I want to make sure I can make you as happy as you’ve made me, so.” He cleared his throat. “Gabriel Reyes, will you marry me?”

A laugh bubbled up and out of Gabriel’s throat, disbelieving and relieved and elated all at once, and he took the ring from Jack’s hand. “You asshole,” he said, the smile that spread across his face feeling like the biggest, brightest smile he’d ever given to anyone. “I had this whole speech planned -- sort of -- and you just waltz right in here and cop my moment right out from underneath me?” He tugged on Jack’s hand until he was standing right next to Gabriel’s bed, his other hand reaching up to grab hold of the front of Jack’s shirt. “You’re lucky I’m crazy about you. Of course I’ll marry you. John Francis Morrison, will you marry me?” And then he tugged him down.

“Did you have to use my full name?” Jack complained, but Gabriel was already kissing him, and the two of them were laughing together, faces pressed close, heedless of how dirty they both were, breathing each other’s air. Gabriel slipped the ring onto Jack’s hand and twined their fingers together. “I’m going to get you one, too,” Jack promised, a whispered breath between them, and Gabriel nodded. 

“I had to buy this back in _Berlin_ ,” he laughed. “I knew there wasn’t going to be another chance for ages if I didn’t go then. So I understand if it takes awhile for my own ring to show up.”

Jack leaned back with a gasp. “That was _four months ago_!” he said, mouth agape. 

Gabriel smiled and kissed him, then kissed him again because he wanted to. Because he could. “Yeah. It was four months ago. I know what I want, Jack. And what I want is you by my side for as long as I can have you. For as long as you’ll have me. For richer and poorer and all that other crap, ‘til death do us part. And maybe not even death will separate us, because it’s had plenty of chances over the past few months and neither of us have kicked the bucket yet.”

“You’re so dramatic,” Jack teased, but then his face smoothed out into a serious expression. “I don’t know what’s in store for us. We could both die tomorrow, the robots might win and eradicate us all, or we might win and retire to a farm with a bunch of cows and an old dog --”

“You will never catch me living on a farm --”

“-- shut up, you don’t know the future. Anyway, where was I? Right. No matter what happens, just know that I will never regret saying yes to you right now.”

Gabriel swallowed against the sudden lump in his throat. “Now who’s being dramatic?” he asked, his voice strangled, but he nodded and lifted Jack’s free hand to his lips, kissing the back of his fingers tenderly. “Me, neither. And I can’t wait to face every moment with you from now on.”

***

There wasn’t another chance to speak to Jack privately again for another week or so, and Gabriel tried. But it seemed like Jack was conveniently avoiding him, somehow. And when Gabriel did have the chance to talk with him, Jack kept the conversations completely professional. It was like he was allergic to personal feelings suddenly.

Finally, at the end of an interminably long department heads meeting, Jack sent Gabriel a message asking him to stay afterwards for a quick discussion. It was the only opening Gabriel had. 

“I’ll be submitting your name to the UN search committee later today,” Jack said as soon as they were alone. “If you’re okay with it, I’ll be naming you as my top choice and providing a full and detailed recommendation. Are there any missions from the last year or so that you feel would make good examples of your service that I could highlight? Without compromising Blackwatch’s position, of course. I was considering the Tbilisi mission as a good one, but I wanted to run it past you, first. Also, just so you’re aware, Ana has asked not to be recommended, but I would have submitted you as my first choice regardless.”

Gabriel stared at him for a moment, his mind churning. His talk with Ana had been… troubling. There were things Gabriel had been thinking and re-thinking about all week, and Jack recommending him for the Strike Commander position had completely slipped his mind. It wasn’t a possibility he’d remembered to consider at all.

At that realization, Gabriel knew what he wanted. 

“I don’t want to be Strike Commander.”

Jack blinked at him owlishly. “What?”

Gabriel laughed, relief bursting like a bubble in his chest as the truth of his words struck him for the first time. “I don’t want you to recommend me to be Strike Commander, Jack. I don’t want to _be_ Strike Commander. Not without you there.”

“What are you talking about?” Jack was frowning at him, clearly confused, but Gabriel felt himself smile, what felt like the first genuine smile he’d shared with Jack in years breaking out over his face. 

“I’m sorry,” he said, the words alien and strange on his tongue, and he _was_ sorry, but also so happy, elated that it was all clear now. “I’d forgotten, Jack, and I’m sorry I did.”

Jack was looking at him like Gabriel had lost his mind. “What?” he repeated, his voice guarded.

“All those years ago, remember? We promised to build a world together, and we did. We rebuilt the world, and we used our blood, sweat, and tears to do it. But I forgot that we also promised to build a world with each other. I got so used to you being there, being beside me. I forgot that I don’t want any of it if I can’t have it with you.” Gabriel swallowed, a strange lump sticking in his throat.

Darkness flitted across Jack’s eyes for just a moment before they blanked again. “People change,” he said. “I’m not blaming you for changing what you wanted. What you want. This is your future, Gabriel. Don’t just say things because you think I want to hear them.”

Gabriel shook his head. “I’m not,” he said. “People change, like you said, but they can change more than once. And I know I haven’t been the most patient and understanding person in the past, because I’ve always been so caught up in the moment. In thinking about the next immediate step. I was so caught up in everything that I forgot about what I wanted for _us_.”

Jack swallowed heavily, but he nodded. “You’re not the only one at fault, Gabe,” he said, looking away for a brief moment before staring back at Gabriel. “I was so focused on my own issues, too, so focused on carrying my own burden that I forgot I could ask you for help. For support. And then when things became unbearable, I fought with you instead of trying to fix things. I don’t blame you for cutting your losses and leaving me. We just had -- have -- different priorities.”

“I don’t want to have different priorities from you,” Gabriel said, and surprise flashed across Jack’s face. “I’ve been thinking a lot about what I want. What I’ve done, and what I could still do. And there’s a lot we could still do with Overwatch, Jack, but you’re also making the right move in stepping down now. This… thing we built together, it’s stable. It’s _peaceful_. And if we want that to continue, we have to let go of the power that comes with it. Let new ideas take root and make things even better than we could imagine.” Gabriel shook his head, a rueful smile growing across his face. “I think I realized the other day that I was scared of what might happened if I changed. I was scared that if I fell out of the holding pattern I was in, that suddenly what felt like firm ground beneath my feet would crumble. And I realized that if I don’t let go, if I don’t _trust_ the people I’ve trained and worked with for years, then that foundation will crumble and make things even worse. And I don’t want that to be my legacy, Jack. I don’t want what we’ve built together to be destroyed just because the two of us couldn’t see past the ends of our noses.”

A shaky laugh burst from Jack’s mouth. “I don’t want that either,” he said, voice hoarse, and Gabriel could hear the truth in his words. “You’ve done too much good to have it all fall down around you.”

“So have you, Jack.”

Jack waved his hand dismissively. “I’ll let the history books decide about that,” he said. 

Gabriel took a deep breath, his stomach fluttering nervously. “I know this is a lot to ask, but… could we have the chance to become friends again? I have very few regrets in my life, but right now… thinking about losing you is the thing that haunts me the most.”

“You never lost me, Gabe,” Jack said, his eyes suddenly wet under the fluorescent lights. “I lost _you_. But I’d like to be friends again. I think I’d like that a lot.”

A smile bloomed across Gabriel’s face, relief and sadness mixing within him at Jack’s words. “I told you once that I wanted you at my side as long as we’d both have each other,” he said, feeling a sudden tear slip down his cheek. “Do you think I can re-up on that promise? I know it was a long time ago.”

Jack laughed wetly. “I’ll never regret saying yes to you right now,” he said, and Gabriel remembered those words, heard them across time, in the past and in that moment, and his heart soared in his chest.

“Great,” he breathed, stepping closer to Jack, tentatively taking one of his hands in his own. Jack didn’t pull away. “Any immediate plans for your retirement? I remember you mentioned an old farting dog once or twice --” 

Jack interrupted him with a kiss, short and close-mouthed but the sweetest kiss Gabriel had ever received. He pulled back with a worried look, mouth open to apologize, but Gabriel leaned in and kissed him again. 

And then they were both laughing, standing there connected by a hand, tears on their faces, and Gabriel knew this was right. This was the right decision. The best choice he’d ever made. 

The brightest future he could have hoped for. Together, with Jack.


End file.
